<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Ben Solo Diaries by idrilhadhafang</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746941">The Ben Solo Diaries</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang'>idrilhadhafang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Diaries Verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Poe Dameron: Free Fall - Alex Segura, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Poe Dameron, Canon Compliant, Diary/Journal, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Ben Solo, Soft Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:07:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746941</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A personal account of Ben Solo, before his fall to the Dark Side.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Diaries Verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Bad Day Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Ben Solo Diaries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: I own nothing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Poe came back today. </p><p>I guess I should provide at least some context for what I’m saying. I’m Ben. Ben Solo. Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, though I guess I’m nothing really special. Tai, my friend at the Academy, tries to say otherwise. He really does. He tries to help. But I really don’t feel special. </p><p>My dad gave me this journal. He tries to be supportive of things like my calligraphy habit and whatnot. He’s good at being supportive. Sometimes I think he overvalidates me. Oh well. </p><p>But yeah, Poe. </p><p>***</p><p>As far as I know, I’ve been friends with Poe. Poe is one of the first faces that I actually remember, thanks to our families being friends. Poe’s mom actually met my uncle by nearly shooting him down. Luckily, my uncle’s the forgiving type. </p><p>But Poe...he ran away when I was thirteen. Fight with his dad and all that. He gave me the kid friendly version of his issues, how his dad wasn’t dealing with his wife’s death well and was overprotecting Poe. Poe wanted to be a pilot, like his mama. I know how it feels. Before I was sent here, I wanted to be a pilot like Dad. </p><p>Dad’s a pilot. He’s good at it too. He’s also a good dad. I love Mom too, even if she’s strange. It’s not her fault; she watched her homeplanet be destroyed before her eyes, while Vader forced her to watch. No one would get out unscathed. </p><p>(Tarkin apparently wanted to make a point or something. My theory was that he wanted to try out his shiny new toy)</p><p>But yeah, I can identify with Poe. All too well. Then again...even though he’s made pretty substantial mistakes, it’s almost impossible to really think less of him. I don’t think less of him. I hope he knows it. </p><p>***</p><p>But yeah. Poe told me. Told me about a girl he’d met, who’d tried to get him to be in charge of the Spice Runners. Sounded like she’d all but been conditioned to accept the horror, being the leader’s kid and all. And Poe...dear Force, he feels guilty for not being able to save the woman who was pursuing him, who hated him. He spared her life. Tried to save her again. All without expecting thanks. </p><p>It’s all but impossible to think less of him. </p><p>I did my best to reassure him. Of course I did. It’s not just about being a Jedi — though it’s true Jedi forgive. </p><p>He’s everything to me. I’m starting to realize it, and he doesn’t even know. I wonder if he even cares. </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>